“Don’t change yourself, the right person will love you for who you are”
Probably the most corny statement that I have ever heard/read.
Do we really make an effort to change JUST so that someone might like the new us?
Can we not do it for ourselves? To better our lives?
One of my favourite quote is, “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt”.
People who I talk to on a regular basis have heard me use it a lot of time.
Denial, the first step to a change. Then comes acceptance.
Acceptance- that is the stage when you stop hiding things from yourself and others. You admit to your mistakes and faults. You no longer are scared to take the leap of faith.
You no longer are scared of your own self. You embrace it, your being. Yourself.
Don’t make any mistakes about how long does it takes to reach from denial to acceptance. It might take months, years or even a lifetime.
Keeping my ego aside, I will admit it.
It took me 2 years to reach from denial to acceptance. To accept that fact that I have not been doing it correct all my life. The fact that it has been my twisted self that was in denial all along while I kept on repeating the statement to others. It was high time I made amends. It was high time I changed myself.
What does it take to reach acceptance?
A small incident or a big fatal accident, it can be anything and happen anytime.
A small encounter where you say something mean to someone for no reason whatsoever and surprisingly, the said person takes it…very nicely.
They say, kill them with kindness.
Damn right, but you not only kill it with kindness, you make it grow with kindness, you nurture it with kindness.
You know how you can apologise a million times and don’t feel the guilt wash away? That is when acceptance hits you. And boy, it hits you harder than a 1000 bricks.
You realise that you have been fighting with yourself but it just wasn’t hard enough. You were waiting for something or someone else to give you the last push and then it happens.
These are the days when you cannot stop thinking and don’t know what your next step should be.
Where to start? Take baby steps, they say. Whose baby and how many steps to where?
The physical circumstances around you won’t change overnight. You won’t change your story to being abundant and then suddenly have millions of dollars in your bank account the next morning. What will happen, though, is that you will recognize the opportunities that will get you there.
Changes are scary. We are all scared of it and probably fail to take the very first step inspite of knowing that they are absolutely needed.
But sitting around visualizing isn’t enough to make change happen in your life. I’m a strong believer in action. That’s where you really start to see the change happen.
You’ll be able to see opportunities in places you’ve never noticed them before. You’ll also have the courage to try things that you never did before.
I am challenging myself. I started making a conscious effort to speak up in social situations and to express my opinion. I started asserting my needs more. I was able to see things for a more positive perspective.
I’m not saying that I am always successful. I most certainly am not. Sometimes I fall back into old habits, but I remember that simply making the effort gets me a step closer to my ideal than I was before.
I try not to beat myself up if I fall back into old habits. We are often our biggest critics. Just pick yourself up and start again.
And someday, we will get there.
The stage where we will fall in love with ourselves.