You know those times when you want to hide yourself from the world?
The times when you just wish that the world would collapse so that you don’t have to receive any phone call, reply to any message or talk to anyone.
These are the times when you can only wish to be invisible.
As cynical as I may sound, I know that everyone, at one point or another, has been through this stage. Been there and done that, some emerged victorious and stronger while others succumbed to it.
The wounds they inflict are the deeper kind. More hurtful yet don’t show on the body.
You don’t know what is irritating you. You have no idea whatsoever. The sound that the fan makes when switched on or the soft sound of breathing of the person sitting next to you. The sound of cars honking or the sound of your own heart beat. There is a strong force of built up anger and you don’t know how to let it out your system. You feel the need to punch something or just lie down and feel nothing.
This needs to stop.
If it doesn’t, your head will explode.
You wake up at 5 in the morning to work out in the hope to let out that pent up frustration. You do a 100 crunches. You put on your earphones and walk 5 kms while staring at the ground, just to clear your head but that doesn’t help. At all.
You come back home, defeated and worn out.
You try to sleep. You try to not make it evident. You try to not let people see through you and it is difficult to pretend that nothing is wrong. Very difficult. You sincerely try but it doesn’t go away. Or maybe, you don’t want it to happen. You want it to be there, so you can use it as an excuse to exclude yourself from every possible human contact.
“This overthinking NEEDS to stop.
The mind NEEDS to sleep”
You tell yourself, but in vain.
You try to convince yourself that you are not lost. You have just walked away from the path, you will find the way soon enough. Day in and day out you say that to console yourself. And then you finally admit to yourself that you have slipped too far and have lost all sense of direction.
Your only hope being- the sun will rise again sometime, it always does. And the rays of the sun will reach you even if you don’t know from which direction is rises anymore.