I sit here alone in the living room. It’s oddly quiet. No sounds of an ongoing fight, no cries of an aftershock. No broken words slipping from the tongue, no heart warming laughter. The eeriness is such that it makes you shudder for a moment or two.
The nephews have gone back after a stay at their grandparents.
Finally. After 15 days. 😛
Now, if you are one of those people who think that I am heartless, stop right here.
DO NOT proceed ahead because I am going to exhibit some serious emotion in this write up and it would break my heart to change your notions of me (such irony).
Can you imagine yourself waking up and brushing someone else’s teeth before you brush yours? Knowing someone so intimately that you get an intuition about when they are going to pee? Being so close to someone that your heart skips a beat every time they falter a step? For me, that is very hard to envisage.
Because here I am, forgetting to brush my teeth before eating my breakfast. Holding my pee till my bladder is as big as a basketball and twisting my ankles after every 20 steps that I take.
There lies the difference between my elder sister and me, she doesn’t think about herself. More like, she doesn’t want to think about herself. Her priorities have changed, well, because she is now a mother. Of 2 very cute kids, might I add.
The past 2 weeks have been particularly…noisy? And for the life of me, I had been CRAVING for one thing: 3 consecutive hours without hearing someone cry their eyeballs out for no reason whatsoever!
Makes me think, how does she do it? How does this woman manage them 24*7 without having the constant urge to wring their necks? I mean, I don’t get it. At all.
What can possibly make someone so..selfless? So sacrificing? So altruistic?
How can you put someone else’s need before yours? How can you just let go of your dreams and aspirations for someone else without blinking twice? Just HOW?
Then the epiphany dawns- she is a mother. It’s abstract. The feeling. The compassion. Not that I would know. But I have seen this one woman, transform from an obstinate creature to this very magnanimous being. A silent beautiful osmosis. This transformation.
When I look at her, I don’t see a timid lady, I see a cannon ball that is ready to break every wall that comes in their way.
I see the tsunami in her eyes that is ready to engulf all their grief.
I see the forest fire in her heart that is ready to burn their tears.
I see acid rain in the tears of her pain that is ready to wash their misery.
She got her wisdom teeth extracted this time. Before the surgery, she wasn’t worried about herself or how badly it will pain. She was worried about how her kids will deal with it. Or more like, how will she deal with them. How will she be able to shout at them with swollen gums and cheek? How will she handle all their constant kisses and snuggles?!
I don’t ever say it, but you know that you have my love and along with that, you have something more- my respect. My honest, heartfelt, sincere reverence.
Can I imagine myself to be as selfless as you? No.
Not in a million years.
I want to write more, so much more, but I have a smile on my face which I want to cherish right now.
Until next time, if inspiration continues.
Ps. I think Shazain is cuter than Zaeem, but I know that I will be castrated if I say it out loud. So, yeah, both the kids are equally cute boogers.