Excuse me while I eat my feelings.

You know how sometimes you feel nothing and the heart is legitimately numb, but then there are the times when a truck load of emotions hit you. A 1000 varied sentiments and on gods green earth you have no idea how to sense them all. Let alone name them.
Here I am, trying to write, yet again. This time an idea struck me.
How about I write about feelings? We all have them, right? Some more, some little less. Some show, others don’t. But we all have them.

I have been feeling too much lately. Good or bad, I am yet to classify them, but it is now beginning to irritate me. In my boredom, I googled, “Why do we feel so much?”
But we all know that google is useless when we really need the answers so I am came up with my own reasons:

1) We think too much:
I have divided my brain into 2 parts. The first 5% of my brain is the logical part. This is the part which gives the most amazing suggestions to people who are in need of it. It is the logical, practical, rational and very mature side. Then there is the other 95% which does nothing but thinks and is very…stupid.
People who know me, know that I am a queen. Queen of overthinking and panicking and the name of my kingdom is Overthinkdom in the country of Panicland, where people die before their actual death because of overthinking. Needless to say, not many people are alive in my kingdom anymore. Again, needless to say that the last few sentences are creations of the latter part of my brain.
To conclude, overthinking it what confuses us. It creates emotions that weren’t there in the first place and you don’t know how to react. Hence, the truck hits you hard.

2) We don’t talk about it much:
You know what is worse than overthinking? Not talking about it.
It’s like, you know you are ill. The disease is rotting your insides, but you don’t tell anyone about the severity of it. You let it just be there. And then BAM, before you know it, you are in ashes and mud.

3) We talk to the wrong person:
Not everyone pents it up. Some people talk about it. In fact, many do. But that can also cause harm. Let us continue with the last example.
You decide to talk about your disease, but you go to the wrong doctor. Someone who gives you the wrong meds, fills you will filthy chemicals and you, in all your innocence, accept all that they tell you.
Not to spoil the fun, but this ain’t gonna e
nd too well for you. You will be in ashes and mud again, just this time, it will be much darker and dirtier.

So how to remedy the situation? How to put a full stop to it all? How to stop the head from spinning this hard? I could just come up with this:

1) Stop thinking.

2) That’s it.

3) That is all you have to do. 

4) Do you see how I am making a list when there is no need to?!

5) I LOVE making lists.

Notice how this write up is broken? It was meant to be serious and yet there are parts which are not-so-serious or absurdly stupid?
It doesn’t make sense. Does it?

At this very moment, that is how I feel.
I am both happy and and sad. I am liberated and caged. I am excited to take new steps, but too scared. I want to laugh till my jaws hurt, I want to cry till the tears dry. I want to sleep for a thousand years, but not dream. I want to shout, but enjoy the silence.

I want it all.

And I don’t know what to do about it.

Ps. Until mid-August, if inspiration comes back.

Pss. Have a blessed Ramadhan.


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