Falling like a fool for you.

Chaand pe daag? Daag acche hotey hai? Are you serious? Are you really going to use that line to tell me that the scars are fine? The mark on my cheek, it has been there for ages after an unfortunate event of popping the zit. ‘No marks’ don’t work in real life, but I have come to the realisation that my marks really suit the structure of my face.

You want me to smile with teeth like that?
*click click*
Consulted the dentist to get braces (for the next 3 years) and after the consultation I concluded that the 2 canines on either side of my upper gums- they look rather cute when the face grins like a Cheshire cat.

I have often caught myself locked alone in my room. Staring at the thick, chapped lower lips in the mirror and wishing for the universe to cast its magic spell to SOMEHOW repair it- I have stopped asking for such miracles.

“No! I will not wear a crop top”
Standing in the changing room at some shop in some mall and looking at the full length mirror while wearing sports bra and leggings and thinking how awesome it would be if the butterfly flaps just vanished. How awesome would it be if I could just wear what I felt like and not really care about what people think of a not-so-thin girl wearing clothes meant for the ‘thin’- this is now the past.

“Should I apply Olay skin whitening cream or Beauty Benefit?”
Applying tube after tube of Fair and Lovely and desperately hoping that the skin tone will go one shade lighter- I just threw away the last pack of cream that I had.

“Are my eyes too small?”
“Do you think I am cock eyed?”
Lying on the bed and noticing that my eyes blink too much and then taking the trouble to actually monitor the number of times it blinks in an hour- I have stopped taking such troubles.

After a long day at college and other classes, I decided to treat myself to midnight ice cream. When grabbing a spoon, I accidentally ended up gaping at my fingers and a sudden bolt of disgust rushed past my spine at the sight of my fat fingers. Needless to say, I didn’t treat myself that night- I now don’t have such thoughts when eating ice cream, or anything else for that matter.

I think, I talk too much. Maybe I should just shut up. Shaiqa, c’mon, stop talking. Don’t say anything. Don’t. Please don’t say something for 2 consecutive hours- I have stopped practicing such drills.

Sitting on the chair and watching some cheeky show on the tv with my mum deeply enchanted by it, I noticed that my thighs are too fat.
“Why isn’t their any gap between them?”
“Arghhhh, why does it become twice its size when I sit down?”
“Why can’t my legs be long and slender?”
-I have stopped asking these questions.

“Bhaiya, do you have heels higher than 4 inches in my size?”
“Yeah, it is kind of a compulsion for me to wear heels, well, because I am short”
Tried to wear my elder sisters’ stilettos just to see if I could look a bit taller in them than I do in mine and sprained my ankles.
-I have now started wearing flats to parties.
Have you ever cried?
Not because of sadness.
Not because of the shortcomings in your life.
Not because of your failures.

But out of happiness.
Happiness that comes from embracing yourself for being you.
Happiness that is so overwhelming that your knees shake and you fall down and hold yourself tight just so that you don’t collapse because of it.

Florsket- the euphoric happiness that you feel when you start falling in love with someone.
Make that ‘someone’ yourself.


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