I hate you.

People who know me closely know that it is VERY difficult to offend me. I usually crack jokes and have the nerve to let people crack jokes on/about me (once I’m over with the socially awkward potato phase in the beginning of our friendship). I am being very serious here, I would not be exaggerating when I say I joke about 780% of the time I speak.

I usually don’t keep grudges. That isn’t my….style. If I try to count the number of people I ‘hate’, I will probably stop at zero. Okay, that is a huge lie. I will stop at 2. No, that is a lie again. I will stop at 1.

Lately, I have been feeling this animosity. This hatred is bubbling inside of me. Again, not my style to publicly express my dislike for something or someone, let alone my hatred. So, if you’re one of the 2-3 people who hold good opinions about me, I beg of you, stop reading! It is going to get intense. Go away, read some other posts, but not this one. Please.

Have you felt one single creepy ripple of disgust run through the spinal cord when you see someone? Their very physical appearance makes you want to vomit. I have. What makes my situation worse is the fact that I feel those tingles even when I’m told of their arrival. Can you please not walk towards me? Can you please not show me your face for a century? Can you just forget about my existence and never bother me?
You know, how some people are screechingly annoying and despite of knowing about your innate hatred for them, they do this thing where they stand in front of your face for no apparent reason whatsoever. Shamelessly so. They know that you hate them, but they act with indifference towards your intense abhorrence.

Can you be more irritating?

Resentment does not even come close to what I feel for them. Saying, ‘I hate you’, is me being euphemistic and polite.
But you know the worst thing about them? They intimidate you. I absolutely detest it when I’m bullied. You have bullied me.
My loathing for the way you are able to make me cry cannot be expressed in words. The very thought of facing you even once or twice a year makes me nervous. So nervous. So tensed.

I’m being very mean here, I know. Hatred is a big word, I know. And I probably shouldn’t use it for anyone, but I cannot help. I am obligated to do so because I do not want to be subtle.
I’m sorry, but I HAVE to let it all out.

The worst part being, I cannot get rid of you. I have tried, so many times, to escape your bloody clutches, but some how, I keep running into you. Or more like, you find me and crawl towards me, step by step, filling my heart with horror and my brain with all sorts of inconsistent thoughts. It’s like our destinies are interwoven with some unseen chords and the more I try to run away for you, the stronger the chord and the hatred gets.
I’m one person who loves her sleep, but you, you have made me lose count of the number of nights that were spent without blinking the eyes. All these sleepless nights, I stayed awake, thinking of what wrong have I done to deserve you in my life. I have tried to figure you out, tried to read into you, tried to predict your next vicious step. But all in vain. My dreams, they are haunted by your presence. My days, scarred by your arrival. My usual happiness and chirpiness engulfed by your evil cry. You are everything that I dread and hate. I want to avenge.

I’m impatient, very impatient. But I have never been this frustrated. Prior to this, I have NEVER thought of resorting to violence. No matter what may come, I will not hit or beat someone (yes, I like to think that I’m capable of that). But just this one time, I want to smack that face till blood starts dripping from that crooked nose of yours. Drop by drop, I want to take sadistic pleasure in your misery.

Sorry for the violence, Gandhiji.

Unfortunately, it’s physically impossible for me to punch you or kick your inappropriate places. No, not because I’m weak or fragile.
It’s because you are abstract.
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I hate you.
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Exams.

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