I try not to expound on too personal a matter on this blog. I try. But this time I will give myself the leverage to talk about something very private. So, I got over with a very troublesome and disturbing phase of my life which had a lot of negative effect on my mental and physical health. I am not going to elaborate much, but to sum it up, I had my exams this past week (technically a few are left, although I like to believe that I am done with them because denial ain’t just a river in Egypt).
Taking after the pattern of my last 2 posts where I give pro tips about areas of my expertise, I will do the same in this post and tell you how to student because obviously I have been a student all of my life…ern…just like you.
The following analysis and conclusions have been drafted after a careful research that continued for about 20 years, 9 months and 12 days.
1. Always make To-Do lists-
(No, you cannot write your crush’s name on it)
If you are that one person who reads this blog regularly (hi, papa), you will know that I like to make lists. According to me, these lists perform 3 major functions:
- they help you remember the things that you are supposed to do during the day;
- they help you remember the things you didn’t do the previous day;
- they help you write a blog post about making lists.
Here is an example of how my regular and typical To Do list looks like (just so that you get an idea and have your priorities set straight).
- Get out of bed
- Eat healthy breakfast
- Eat healthy brunch
- Eat healthy lunch
- Rest for an hour or so
- Go play some squash or work out to burn all the ‘healthy’ food you have consumed till now
- Don’t fall, trip, slide or glide.
- Think about things to put on tomorrow’s list
- Buy new pens because you have been squandering them by making useless lists
2. Don’t waste time-
Don’t be mistaken, being a student is NOT a half time job that you can do for 10 hours a week and pretend that it does’t exist for the remaining hours. You have to slog and trudge to excel at it. By ‘to excel’, I imply that you have to be the best darn student to have ever walked on the surface of this glorious planet and graced humanity. Question emerges, how do we do that? First thing first, you HAVE to stay ahead of all competition and opposition. How do we do that? We install:
- Facebook/instagram/snapchat- to keep on eye on what others are upto
- Whatsapp- to tell other friends what others are upto
- YouTube- to relax by watching comedy clips after all the work that you have been doing
- Retrica/picsart- to look good while being a useless piece of lettuce
Given the above, I will now tell you something very important. Lend me all ears (eyes) and you can thank me later. So, a MAJOR part of a student’s life is spent in taking exams. Not to brag but rather a great deal of times I have been asked to reveal my (helpful) tactics and strategies of studying because apparently asking dumb students for tips makes them feel good about themselves and they actually go on to write a blog about it. Ignoring that, I present to you a pro-exam-taker’s guide to taking an exam.
a) Scratch that-
My friend and I do this ritual where we write down the topics that we have in the syllabus. After doing so, we waste a year doing nothing. Then when we finally start studying, we go on scratching the parts we complete. Does it help in anyway? No, not really.
But what is does is that it gives an immense sense of satisfaction to that profoundly deeply rooted sadistic part of your heart when you take the pen and smear the page black.
Even if you are an atheist, you HAVE to pray before your exam. I do not concern myself with which god you believe in, but I implore you to pray and ask everyone you know to pray for you. I don’t say this because you might receive divine enlightenment during your exam. I say this because when you die after seeing the question paper, you might secure better chances of going to heaven.
c) Be prepared-
No, not for the D-Day.
By this I mean that you should be prepared with a list of things you will do after the exams are over. Again, my friends and I do all the planning right before the exams. It includes:
- places to visit;
- movies/series to watch;
- people to stalk;
- select dresses for friend’s wedding that will presumably take place after 10 years
e) Give up-
There comes a time in life when you have tried and tested everything. You put your best foot forward and buckle up, but somehow you are not able to succeed. So the moment arrives when hope is lost, all to-do lists have faded, all motivation has died, tears have dried- THAT is the time when it is OKAY to give up.
It roughly corresponds to this stage in life.
Therefore, in conclusion I would like to say that in order to be a student you must:
- make a lot of lists;
- not follow them;
- cry before your exams;
- but somehow manage it all in the end because you are amazing like that.
Also, you’re welcome.