How to Internship and earn crispy cash 101

I see faces mired with panic. 
I see hysteria and anxiety filled eyes. 
I see drops of sweat rolling down the cheeks. Maybe, they are tears. Definitely tears. 
I see people biting their lips (in a purely platonic way, of course).
I see dread, terror and apprehension all around me. 
No, this description is not of a scene from a support group for introverts where everyone is asked to introduce themselves. This rather explicit elucidation is of shot from my class on the 1st day of our last semester in college. 
“You all need to buckle up” 
“Start working hard” 
“Do something worthwhile” 
“Don’t waste your time” 
Let us now magnify and focus on the 3rd point. 
Do something worthwhile-
As a student with no talents, this usually entails getting an internship. With a total experience of about 2 internships,  I, your guru, will help you with pointers on surviving one. (I could have given you a guide on how to get an internship but I won’t. You don’t have to be so dependent on me). 
So here I go on how to internship and make crispy cash. 
1) Pretend: 
As your self-proclaimed guru, I will always encourage you to be comfortable in your skin, to embrace yourself and blah blah blah. But this time, I will make an exception. This is one such instance when you are allowed to put on a masquerade and start with your charade of pretense. It includes: 
•Pretend that you know what you are doing. 
•Pretend that you understand what you hear.
•Pretend that you are not scared. 
•Pretend that you would not run for your petty life at the earliest given opportunity.
(Not to brag, but on 2nd day of my internship at a newspaper, I was thrown on the field to have an exclusive interview with a Nobel Laureate. Was I ready? Yes, absolutely ready to jump out of the window and run to another city with my big belly and panting breath). 
•Pretend that you enjoy the company of your co-workers who constantly try to obliterate everything that you say. 
•Pretend that you did not spend the night binge watching ‘How to get away with murder’ and desperately looked for the part about ‘getting away with murder’ because you are planning to execute one. 
•Pretend that you are not distracted by that one picture you saw on the Explore page of your Instagram. 
You know nothing, bitch.
2) Absorb: 
In class 8 biology, we learnt this phenomenon called Osmosis. It states that osmosis is a process by which molecules of a solvent tend to pass through a semipermeable membrane from a less concentrated solution into a more concentrated one (no, I am not intelligent; yes, I googled the definition). So if I draw a metaphor here: 
•let the molecules be knowledge;
•let the semipermeable membrane be your thick skull (notice the irony?) 
•let the more concentrated part be your brain (because it is filled with filth);
•let the less concentrated part be your temporary work environment 
There you have it. A seemingly useless metaphor left unexplained.  
You are the potato, of course. 
Also, talking about class 8 biology, mitochondria is the power house of the cell. Okay, I am kind of *very* intelligent. 
3) Make contacts: 
Contacts are probably one of the best thing that you can get out of these internships. Look at it from this perspective: you get an unadulterated access into a jar of candies that your fat belly has been craving for about 3 years or so. You eat half of the candies and are temporarily exhausted, will you then throw away the other half thinking that you might not want them later on? 
Okay, I am not sure where I am going with this. 
Take #2: take your internship to be an opportunity to make important professional contacts. You know, not just those contacts who will only like your pictures and posts on Facebook or Instagram. So basically, socialize and analyze, but always use a filter when doing so. Not everyone out there is welcoming. 
This could be your chance of meeting people whose book you have read or who are doing work that you dream of doing. Don’t let it go. 
4) Time Management: 
This is probably the most crucial part of my not-so-crucial guide. 
If you are anyone like me, who lets half of the day fly by while being an absolute useless piece of lettuce, then you probably should pay heed to this. 
Don’t waste time. 
Not by writing blog posts and being a forced guru. 
Not by Facebooking too much. 
Not by day dreaming about pictures you see on Instagram. 
Always treat your internship like a legitimate full time job. Don’t think that it is an added, burdening responsibility which is slowly ripping away your soul from your body (which it is, but don’t think about it). Don’t think that your internship is just a way for the company to get underpaid or unpaid labour (which it is, but don’t think about it).
Wake up early, keep away that phone, throw your life and luxuries- and work. 
Take that from an expert procrastinator. 
How to earn crispy cash? 
– complete your studies, get a job or do something with your life; 
-get your coins exchanged for new bills from the bank. 
You are welcome. 

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