In a perfect world, I ought to start with an excuse for ignoring this blog of mine for the past 2 months. Given that I have none, I reasoned that I don’t need to present an hypothetical one as I managed to convince myself that all my readers are spambots, or my father. The former, mainly.
I likewise contemplated that if I don’t use my fat fingers to type, they will swell and burst. I don’t want any mess on my bed because I won’t be able to clean it without my fingers. It’s a vicious cycle!
Continuing with the tradition of writing about irrelevant things, when I was hogging on the last slice of pizza last night, I reached the smoldered end of the crust. That charcoal part which leaves a bad taste in the mouth. You know, the part that ruins the whole pizza for you. Drawing an extremely irrelevant metaphor, I realized that this year too is coming to an end with a downfall and existential crisis. Being the philosophical person that I am, I started daydreaming about Eddie Redmayne. Sorry, I mean, Chris Pratt.
The Theory of Evolution of a girl who is a Passenger in the eternal Galaxy of time? So, what is the evolution, what is the theory?
Lets’ begin with the evolutions that took place, well, inside me:
Movement keeps you alive. Literally. You are alive because the blood in your veins is moving. The cells in your body are moving. Your lips are moving as you read this. The hands of the clock hanging on your wall are moving (unless you are me, then you have probably forgotten to replace the dead batteries, AGAIN). The sea waves are moving in a land far away. The Earth is moving. Everything is in a constant state of motion and once that motion ceases- it all comes to an end.
Movement keeps you alive.
This year taught me to not stand at one place waiting for that one person or that one opportunity to come back. It taught me to move. Move ahead. Move sideways. But move. Once you let someone hinder your movement, you will die. Metaphorically, or maybe, literally.
- The right kind of people:
At a certain point or another, you WILL find yourself at a stage where you cannot move. You are stuck. Your legs are numb and your willpower has abandoned you. Be that as it may, then, out of the blue, someone pushes you. You know, a slight nudge and your wheels are set into circulation and off you go. Find the people that will push you. Those that will tell you that you are sufficient to seek after what you go for. These are the people that listen when you are silently begging for someone to help you.
This year taught me that you don’t have to be romantically involved with an individual to get that sort of connection. You will find that support in the most unusual of places in the most unsuspecting circumstances and within people you have known all your life or met 2 days back.
- Believe in yourself:
There additionally exist the wrong set of people who will try to pull you down at every given opportunity. They will tell you that you are not deserving of your achievements and that you should stop trying so hard. They will break every iota of self-confidence that your dwindling morale possesses.
They will break you. They will break you. They will break you.
This year taught me how to kick them between their legs.
It’s not always others who demotivate you. Sometimes, it’s you. Your own bloody self. I have always been a proud pessimist. I used to tell my brain that if I hold the lowest expectations from myself, anything better than that would satisfy me. All my life, I expected a 2 on a 10 marks assignment. So that getting a 3 won’t hurt me. Getting a 5 would make me pleasantly happy. It was only when I got a 9 that I realize maybe, just maybe, I need to stop expecting the worst from myself.
This year taught me that I need to stop lowering the bar thinking that that is what I am capable of. I need to quit being so negative. Not because I am overconfident, but because I am so much better than that.
Now here comes my amazing theory:
I like to believe that I am a sincere worker and put my 100% in everything that I do. I work with the combined power of my heart and soul. I work and overwork myself, but when I look around, I see a few things that my hard work can never pay for. I see my irritating brothers, my bossy sister and most importantly, my parents who are scolding me for typing so furiously and not paying attention to the never-ending family drama. The Jannat Theory states that, at times, it’s okay to be lucky than be good to deserve such wealth.
My clock is stuck at (almost) 11:11 for the past 3 months. Being the very rational person that I am, I believe that it is a sign from the universe. It is trying to tell me that good luck will grace me soon (and that has nothing to do with me being an absolute useless piece of human flesh wrapped in brown skin)
Given that I have 3 pending college assignments, 2 work assignments, strict deadlines to follow and ‘my clock is going to bring me good luck’ is not a very convincing argument. I have been living under this inherent fear that time will run out soon (obviously) and writing a 1000 word post is not a very wise decision.
I wanted to end this with the above line so that I can say, at times, it’s okay to be wrong.