F for Food

If you are here for a light-hearted piece of writing, then leave. Immediately. 

This post is going to deal with a crucial and intense topic of debate that has puzzled philosophers from time immemorial. Breath out, relax and enjoy reading  this with an apolitical point of view. If you must differ then we can amicably sort it out (read- no, keep your wrong opinions to yourself, I shall not entertain them). 

Here we go. 

There is no doubt that food is fantastically finger-licking. It is one of the few things that is truly needed for our survival, like air and water. Unlike a lot of things that people assume are important (like love), food holds real tangible and intangible benefits that cannot be denied. 

Keeping in view the past 10 days when my Facebook newsfeed has been dirtied with people sharing their Valentine’s picture. I present to you 10 arguments that categorically and unequivocally proves that food is better than love. 

1. Food will not wake up in the morning and say, ‘I am sorry, I cheated on you. But I really really love you.’
(On the contrary, you can say, ‘I cheated on my diet with some amazing cheesy pizza but it’s okay because I love food’, and mean it.)

2. Food is available cooked in variety of ways. It can be grilled, deep/stir fried, baked, broiled, roasted, poached, steamed, etc. But love? The only possible way is to find love in a human covered in skin wrap. And if you do manage to get one without the wrap, then you are a necrophile.

3. People showing off their food/meals on social media doesn’t make you puke, whereas witnessing PDA can cause mild to severe nausea with immediate need to gauge your eyes out.

4. Food ALWAYS makes you happy. Love, on the other hand, makes you feel a variety of emotions, many of them are not positive, like- regret, sadness, homicidal and suicidal tendencies, existential crisis, bleakness, etc.

5. Food can be physically and instantly improvised if you find that it’s lacking flavor, but you can get stuck with tasteless love for a lifetime.

6. Food comes with a disclaimer that it is too spicy (imagine- the chilli symbol) or contains nuts that can cause allergic reaction. Love, on the other hand, comes with no statutory warning but has the potential to ruin your entire life.

7. You can have different types of food on different days…but love…you get the drift.

8. You order food and can be rest assured that it will arrive within a certain time period. Unlike your love, who probably forgot about your existence.

9. Chicken steak (not beef, because you might get killed for eating it and you want to be alive to see yourself get killed by a broken heart.)

10. Hershey’s kisses are the best kisses. 

11. Food can be bought, and you better not try to buy love.

12. Can you combine 2 types of unrelated love and make one entirely new love out of it? No.
But when it comes to food, you can take two or more very different type of food and make something deliciously new. For example:
Cheese + cake = Cheesecake
Chocolate + cheese + cake = Chocolate cheesecake

With that, you are welcome.